Another Day Another Struggle.

today was one of those days where something small reminded me of my JJ first thing this morning, and it screws with my mind the whole day.

im not good at confronting things head on,

I tried to get to the cemetery and ended up in the park with Fry.

I don’t hate going, I just think I need to be in the right frame of mind and today I was most certainly not.

its increasingly hard to broach the subject with friends..family…squirrel’s…figments of my imagination. too much time has passed for it to be relevant “news” so I shut up and carry on with things, rather than identifying the problem and handling it, I find ways to attempt to forget about it.

new ring

new bracelet

2 new tops

new shorts

clothes for face

toys for Fry

drawing supplies for Toes

greasy lunch

xbox time

cooking lots

my bank account takes pretty big hits when im feeling my best let alone when im feeling shitty, nothing helps, and nothing works because im terrible at patching things over.

everyone had a good day.

but now everyones in bed, big daddy and 80’s reject are xboxing along nicely and im no longer needed for anything. which is when it becomes really hard. im twiddling my thumbs, I have everything to say and no one to say it too, not that the words would come.

I can tweet when im happy, angry, sick, sleepy, joyfull, apathetic, but not when im sad. its a different level of sharing isn’t it?

one I don’t think any of you really need.

im being a big girl today, ill pull myself together.

goodnight sweet prince

mommy loves you

❤

Mistakes i Continue to make (cop out blog)

its list time baby! wooo.

this is my mistakes I continue to make list. you know those things you always do wrong and yet you insist on redoing them equally as wrong every single time.

1. my top one today has to be my infatuation with buying dresses.

why do I keep doing it to myself, I have hundreds, do I wear them? do I fuck. I look mostly like this when I do

im a jeans and top kind of girl and I should realise that by now…it would help my credit care immensely if I did.

 

2. crisp packets.

I cant stop fucking trying to recycle them!
they look like they should be recyclable! im paranoid about recycling, I wish I could do so with EVERYTHING it would make life so much easier, but alas for now I shall continue to forage through the bin for crisp packets…grrr

 

3. depriving people of sugar.

im one of THOSE people who takes all hot drinks without sugar, and assumes you do too. the repurcussions of this mistake mean funny face time whenever someone has a sip of tea in my house…

oh you wanted flavour with that?

oops 😉

 

4. I don’t take nappies on a 10 minute journey…

which is when Fry shits…EVERYWHERE. damn my lack of preparation!

 

 

5. I forget people can see through my sunglasses…

I like to judge people on first impressions….if you look like a dick..your probably a dick..if you dress like a tramp..youre probably a tramp…so my eyes tell all as I watch you go by..

however I frequently forget that people cant see through my glasses! so that “what a fucking prick” look I just gave you whilst assuming I was acting all cool and suave…actually what happened was I looked at you and rolled my eyes in a retarded fish kind of manor whilst looking smug and you saw the whole thing…

 

whose the ducking fick now

well im off to eat a whole tub of onion houmous

ciao bitches 🙂

Bank Holiday Weekend

in the sun!

go figure!

 

just 2 small problems with that statement.

1. we have yet to find a sun cream Face isn’t allergic too.

2. Face hates sunshine, hes like me in that sense, the slightest hint of heat and we cower away into a dark room with all the windows open until the summer goes away. like reverse hibernation.

Face had his first dry night this weekend 😀

largely due to the fact that I had forgotten to buy nappies, terrible parenting I know. but for the first time ever at 71/2 years of age he went through the whole night dry (I say whole night, his whole night consists of bed at 11, up at 5) id like to say it lasted but we were back to changing sheets as the sun came up this morning, but hey its happened once, I have faith it will happen again!

Toes is enjoying the sunshine, and I am enjoying her enjoying it. shes one of those children who attaches themselves to your calves and never fucks off. but now she can be in the garden! fuck yeah 😀

anywho, there was gardening, and family outings, black ops and eating.

all in all the most successful bank holiday in a while.

huzzah

AutieLocks and the Tired Mommys.

one days a small, loud, angry boy was walking through the house, when he started to feel peckish, he looked around for something tasty to eat.

he picked up the biggest thing he could find, an armchair, but BAH the armchair was toooo fabricy.

he picked up the Most expensive thing he could find, but the Xbox was tooooo electricky.

then he picked up the most disgusting thing he could see, and the urine soaked toilet tissue was juuussstttt right, so he ate and he ate and he ate it all up!

he continued his journey through the house, but soon the little boy was starting to feel uncomfortable, so he tries to find somewhere to sit.

he sat on the most awkward thing in the house, but the radiator was toooo hot,

so he sat on the most fragile thing in the house, but mommys ornament’s were tooo breaking under his fat arse.

eventually he found somewhere that was jussttt right, the dining room table

after having a rest on the table, he realised that he wasn’t being quite noisy enough! this would never do, he thought to himself. so he went on a journey to find something to make lots of noise with , he tried soo many things,

he tried to make noise on the windows! but they were too smashy.

so he tried to make some noise on the phones! but they broke very easily.

finally he realised if he banged his head continuously into a doorframe, that would make a wonderful sound, for all to hear, especially if he screamed whilst doing it, 🙂

after all this eating and screaming and headbutting he was starting to feel a Tad sleepy not   not sleepy at all! (ffs)

but the Three NeuroTypicals returned to the room.

“seriously , is bedtime,” said the mommy NT

“xbox, off” the daddy NT said

“whys he eating my dolls face” the sister NT said.

But the little boy couldn’t find anywhere he wanted to sleep

so he screamed….

all

night

fucking

long

The End.

 

🙂

Gender Matters.

No im not having a “coming out” session over the internet.

im talking Baby gender.

I have 2 boys and a girl.

I was cowering in my usual spot at school picking up time yesterday when Mom of 4 (youngest 10 months) started discussing her upcoming pregnancy with someone who cared (most certainly not me) shes 13 weeks. the conversation went something like this.

Mom of 4: 13 weeks! like omg, like ill find out the sex soon enough

stranger: like omg girl that’s like omg so exciting

MO4: I know I cant wait, the boys are soooo excited!! aren’t you ******?! (small 6 year old boy looks about as excited as someone who was given asda own brand cola)

Stranger: what are you hoping for??

MO4: a girl, it has to be a girl.

(let me interrupt here, the, what do you want, question was ALWAYS just a nicety for which you say, “oh you know I don’t really mind as long as its healthy” not to this mom)

stranger: yeah I guess you have 4 boys, its about your time hunny bunny, aww what you going to do if its a boy?

MO4: well ill just have another, like you know, I need a girl, ive had 4 boys now, so its my turn really.

I drowned out their voices at this part…

your Turn?????

what

that’s not how reproduction works!

your not in a cue on the phone to BT (which takes longer than the average pregnancy)

nobody said, if you have enough ill eventually mix it up a bit 😉

somebody really slacked on her birds & bees talk. 

what the fuck is she on???

also,

poor children,

how many is she going to have that are “unwanted” males before she gets her precious female child. I hope to fuck she never lets on to any of them that she ever thought this way.

what happens if she has a boy…then another…then another. does one start selling them? trading them in for a model with no p***s?

I passed on the surprise to find out what each of mine were, but not so I could have time to come to terms with my “unwanted gender”

I hope she has a boy.

 

 

Sucks For You.

im talking school places.

or lack there of

Toes got her prefer and only choice of school,

but im in the catchment area, possibly 3 minutes away at a push and Face has needs I have to for fill which mean I cant go much further afield, I, as did all my siblings attended said school.

there are 80 children spread over 2 nursery sessions at the school.

and 1 reception class that can legally hold no more than 30 children.

you do the math, it was a no brainer that some/ the majority of children were going to be disappointed.

hearing who has/hasn’t got places makes sense to me, those either not in the catchment area, im talking 5 miles away, or who did not fill in the forms until the possible last minute (what the fuck have you been doing? you got them like 7 months ago, you wouldn’t NOT pay your phone bill for 7 months and then wonder why bad things are happening to you)

I think in our area (NOT all areas) that the precious few places were allocated fairly (no im not just saying that because I got one, yes I am a bit bias though)

let me give you 2 examples of parents who did NOT get their preferred choice of school:

M, 24, child D. M lives in another Town (by no fault of her own) and has to travel on 2 trains to get to Toes’ school, should she be given a place? No. there are pleanty of schools close to her.

?, 30 something, son R. they live possibly a 2 minute walk from the school but did not hand in their sons birth certificate within the allocated 7 month period (you lazy twat) should they receive a place at the school? too right they shouldn’t, not over the punctual people who cared enough about their childs education to put their forms in within the week they came out.

and yet alas every day I am hearing more and more crap come out of these peoples mouth, which I “couldn’t possibly understand, I have my place for toes” the fact is I do understand, I understand that your lazy/ignorant/stuck up and are now dealing with the outfall of it all.

why don’t you try getting up in the morning and doing your job as a parent , nay too much have I hurd them say “I put my forms in last minute” it makes my blood boil.

again I know this does not apply to all schools or areas.

I am fully aware that there are too many children to places, and something needs to be done about that.

but do I feel the money should be spent on education system,

or do I feel it should be spent on another avenue allowing the population problem visas to begin with.

or maybe those 8 children families, all on Massive benefit amounts should be cut back?

where the hell have you been?

i know, I know.

im not going to bore you with the standard..

“omg im like so sorry ive just had like so much to do”

crap..

instead ill tell you this.

ive been absent.

yep

that’s my explanation.

absent.

you know doing things like, making cakes, getting new sofas. washing.

surviving my first hangover in a few years ouch.

playing xbox.

generally ignoring my responsibilities as a blogger, because I can.

who are you my mom?

anyway im back and stuff, so yeah

as you were

Last Night – off the wagon

I left the house

I went to a….bar…dun dun dunnnnnn.

I know, I know, its been years and years since I went to a bar. more to the point I had a drink!

my friend was back from ipswitch and dinner and a catch up seamed a good idea.

dinner, and home would have proved a better idea.

here are some things I have learnt since last night:

1. I cannot handle my drink (as a teetotaller im not used to having to do so, my hangover from very little alcohol will emphasise this point.)

2. im bigger than id like to be.

3. im older than id like to be

4. im not as pretty as id like to be.

5. im not in any way sociable

6. being the non smoker sucks. (just hold this table, by yourself, every 15 mins, while I have a fag yeah)

7. BigDaddys best friend is good to me (happens to be the bar manager, kept an eye, ordered me a taxi home etc)

8. I don’t like drinking

9. I don’t like going out

10. I don’t like music nowadays.

11. I don’t like my “friends”

dinner was lovely, drinks were not. I feel emotional, a bit sicky and disappointed in everything that happened afterwards. shouty drunk friends who don’t know how to get home and make me pay more in taxi fare for them. the one saving grace is that BigDaddy was a diamond, I came in late, spilt water everywhere and slept in this morning.

I wont be going out again

I missed my family

I missed my xbox

and I missed being in control of everything.

I don’t know how you drinking culture do it? that’s not life

daddy issues led respite.

Ahh those night where your darling mother looks after the kids so you can cop off for a couple of hours for dinner. aren’t they just the best!, we all need a little respite 🙂

except my evening didn’t exactly go like that.

yesterday night I was beckoned to dine with my “father”

I use the term loosely, yes I have Daddy issues, trust me they are justified.

this is him:

or its someone from harry potter, I get mistaken from time to time.

I have father issues, not because hes an alcoholic, stinking, cringe worthy, creepy old man

because hes been sober like 20,0000000 minutes or something now, I forget, ask a sibling who gives a fuck.

but because regardless of his sobriety, hes a prick.

he is living proof that its not drink that makes you a wanker, it just makes you a bit more tolerable because your unconscious.

yes I can say these things because ive lived it, ive avoided it, ive insulted it and now im having to have dinner with it (shakes fist)

the weeble almost crashed his car 3 times, yet the fucking government still give him a licence, maybe they are hoping his inability to think straight may end their handing out of benefits in an unfortunate accident? hint hint nudge nudge.

how is your new car by the way father? about 16 years of child support good? my mother would disagree.

the night was only made tolerable by 3 things,

1. my beautiful little sister (and the mocking there of, only she could go out once to dinner and have her ex walk in, and have to suffer bigdaddy obviously jeering and pointing, poor lass)

2. the sheer laughable ignorance of professor plop  “they used to shoot gays you know! id shoot gays, I bet hes gay” im sure the gay community, as do all communities, feel the same about you 🙂

3. PUDDING.

 

yep I ate it all, what of it, problem? that’s a lemonade and lime and pepsi in the background, because that’s how I roll.

 

but by far the best part of the evening happened at around 8:45.

we left.

 

END.

 

shh now children, mommy needs her pills.

Typical Day In My House:

 

Downstairs TV is on loud, children’s TV

Fry is jumping and doing his screeching “a-gulr-blurg-grr-blub” noise

Toes is asking a milling questions while stepping on cats singing

the washing machine is on its 100th spin cycle

upstairs Face is jumping

hitting

banging

screaming

singing

throwing things

with his xbox on loud

youtube blasting from the computer, and somebody gave him a microphone.

im still listening to the kings of leon while on hold to the council for the 10th time today.

everyone wants feeding (its 9:15, they had breakfast not 2 hours ago, but ney whens it time for lunch)

Toes wants to do gluing/painting/drawing/writing/watching a film/playing the ds all with me obviously it would be a crime to play alone.

but I cant, because the baby needs feeding AGAIN, which bright spark thought children was a good idea?

I attempt to watch home and away, to no prevail, even with subtitles, because face has eaten his radiator cover and im making sure its nothing too dangerous to be ingested.

its time to clean again, no Toes that doesn’t mean im free to play guess who.

the washings finished, its sunny, time to put it out to dry

its quiet outside,

no kids

no questions

no screaming

no babies

but if that bird doesn’t stop fucking tweeting, I will shoot it.

 

 

END.