today was one of those days where something small reminded me of my JJ first thing this morning, and it screws with my mind the whole day.
im not good at confronting things head on,
I tried to get to the cemetery and ended up in the park with Fry.
I don’t hate going, I just think I need to be in the right frame of mind and today I was most certainly not.
its increasingly hard to broach the subject with friends..family…squirrel’s…figments of my imagination. too much time has passed for it to be relevant “news” so I shut up and carry on with things, rather than identifying the problem and handling it, I find ways to attempt to forget about it.
2 new tops
clothes for face
toys for Fry
drawing supplies for Toes
my bank account takes pretty big hits when im feeling my best let alone when im feeling shitty, nothing helps, and nothing works because im terrible at patching things over.
everyone had a good day.
but now everyones in bed, big daddy and 80’s reject are xboxing along nicely and im no longer needed for anything. which is when it becomes really hard. im twiddling my thumbs, I have everything to say and no one to say it too, not that the words would come.
I can tweet when im happy, angry, sick, sleepy, joyfull, apathetic, but not when im sad. its a different level of sharing isn’t it?
one I don’t think any of you really need.
im being a big girl today, ill pull myself together.
goodnight sweet prince
mommy loves you