diet day 6

I would actually eat your face right now.

your whole face.

im a person who’s diet used to consist of 20 units of alcohol per day and then went to whatever I baked in the morning/afternoon, probably averaging 2000 calories a day (after giving up smoking/drinking) so to say im not used to limiting my intake is an understatement.

my morning cake for breakfast, is now a shake.

my lunchtime greasy pizza is now a shake

and my lamb and veg dinner, is now soup and possibly a bread roll depending on the calorie intake.

my body HATES me.

I found myself looking up the calorie content of ALL chocolate bars yesterday, because I like to be fucking depressed!

its not like im typically “fat” I weighed 137lbs at the beginning of this, six days later im down to 134 lbs.

ideally I want to get down to 115.

I used to stray around 100.

you know what I hate… lbs….im British. I like stone.

134 lbs, sounds like im a fucking ogre.

oh well, ill carry on because one day I WILL get into all the clothes I buy without looking like im about to give birth, or did so yesterday.

fuck you mummy tummy.

fuuuuuccccckkkkkk yyyoooooouuuuu!

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chocolate!!

or you know.

2 slim fast shakes,

and a bowel of soup.

yeah.

im writing this while tucking into the most disgustingly grey mulchy looking bowl of dog slo I have ever seen. lease observe for yourself:

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fecking horrid right?

this is day three of the shakes and soup diet, no snacks.

if your dieting, why the toss are you still eating the “allowed” 3 snacks a day.

they are allowed, NOT needed, don’t be a dick and eat 3 200 calorie snacks and then wonder why you’re arse is still fat.

just because your drinking the shakes like their some magical fucking cure for your laziness.

ill tell you why they “allow” you to have 3 snacks.

so it takes longer for you to loose weight and you’ll SPEND MORE money on their products!

anyway, im not enjoying my diet as you might have guessed, but until these last few dress sizes take the hint ill stock up on vomit in a can.

that’s no alcohol

no cigarettes

no sugar

no gluten

and now no food

im thinking of cutting out oxygen next, least I wont have to worry about my calorie intake.

If Theres Not Poo On The Walls..

I know im still asleep.

 

I HATE poo smearing!

now I know, son, that you are on a metaphorical island and I, alas am on another, I do my best to hike across that flimsy rope bridge day by day, but im just not sure I want to venture into an isle of which we paint with our shit.

even for your wonderfully autistic brain, I find it a push that poo painting would be considered a good idea.

so why do it?

does one not like the bathroom purple?

or was I meant to get that by the shit smeared hands and the jumping and shouting “the correct answer is iguana!” which, by the way I totally knew….all be it I have no idea what the question was.

I suppose to be fair to you, you are no different from half the “artists” I see today.

but I think your taking the:

~ Improve my tolerance of messy play

that’s on your ace plan to the extreme. I get it, you can stop now.

mummys autistic nose hates you :/

maybe if I got you some stencils you could actually make something, like, I dunno the bat signal.

shatman..

I like it.

 

 

Things Ive Done With My Week Away

every so often its good to give yourself a week away from the ties of social media.

whilst not blogging/tweeting/facebooking I have achieved the following.

1. I am THIS [—] close to prestigeing on C.O.D black ops 2. like thiiiisssss close. which concideing my score card usually looks like this

kills – 4. deaths – 34.

is a pretty good achievement id say. bluuup.

2. I have eaten 2 boxes and 10 small bags of cadburys fingers. I do yes, feel a tad sick.

3. speaking of sick, poor toes has been layed up with a tummy bug although clearly we still have time to dress up,

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well who dosent, a massive ginger fro is vital to all living I assume.

4. Super Fem Veggie Tosspot came to visit. took loads of presents home and rode back to whence she came! never to be seen again, until she needs a home cooked meal.

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5. The hairdressers rectified my appauling hair I spent lots of money on by actually giving me blonde highlights…

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seriously, don’t humour me, im aware its STILL not blonde, how fucking hard can it be. well tbh at least its somewhere close this time, you incompetent cowbag.

6. ive upset Father…shit happens ey? maybe he’ll stop fucking coming round…take a hint?…sod offski?…I mean the man hates football, clearly hes the son of Satan.

mostly ive just been chilling out, getting the most out of the xbox before One comes out in November and our poor 360 gets shelved, but that’s another post altogether.

anywhoo im back, for now, you know me, im flakey.

mom, stop reading, do some work, and get that thing printed off for me, safe, blud.

Something Up My Sleeve

admit it you’ve all pulled out the Autism card at one point or another just because you can, not because you need too.

come for dinner, with your mother?…oh….I would, I totally would, but Faces really not doing good you know autism and all.

family holiday? with the in-laws….yeah I just don’t think Face is upto it.

I would have called you back but you know my house always screaming!

 

today im pulling out the card on my father (shivers) which is the….third…time ive done it in a row with regards to not being able to see him, ive had about 20 meetings at faces school these past few weeks, nudge nudge.

id be bollock’s if he ever asked what they were about.

ive often wondered if I should feel guilty about lying about my sons disability, but then to be fair its not often I have to lie.

my house is normally a war zone,

I do normally have unlimited number of appointments

and no gas man you cant come in because Face is naked jumping on the sink.

so is it really that bad to play the autism card once in a while.

I mean as special needs parents we deserve a benefit every now and again and if that means I don’t have to spend time with my fuck wit of a father, well then I consider that a bonus for everyone really.

of course maybe I do it too much.

one day face asked if he could have the laptop.

I say asked, he edged closer and closer and screamed in my face.

and when I said no.

he clearly and firmly held his ground, put his chin up and stated

“Autism”

 

well done son

gotta work with what you’ve got!

an audiance with Fry (photo blog)

I cant believe its been a year already!

one year since we were in the hospital

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and more importantly, the day I brought you home ❤

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I remember when you first smiled

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you still love your baths

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maybe not as much as I do 😉

and when you could hold your own bobs!

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when you helped me make tasty things!

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and when I gave you not so tasty things

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when you discovered bouncing

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then sitting…

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and standing!

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than all of a sudden it was your birthday!

a whole 1!

big enough for swinging..

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big enough for birthday cake!

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and not my baby anymore 😦

a coz youse a whole big 1,

better start planning for you to be 2!

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