those times you’re accidently prejudice

I had a classic one of these today while in the car with the kids nan.

we were discussing teaching within schools and she proclaimed.

“Mr *** is a great teacher, I mean hes gay, but, hes a great teacher”


is it surprising that gay people make good teachers?

are they not meant too?

was the “but” necessary?

id of been happy enough to know he was a great teacher, I highly doubt his sexual preferences will pop up in any tests.

just last week I had another classic from one we shall call Bitchy Accidental Racist.

when describing her boyfriends mum she used the words.

“obviously hes mixed race, but his mum is black like REALLY black”


as opposed too?….

tepidly black?

apathetically black?


you’d never hear someone use the words,

shes white, I mean REALLY WHITE.


don’t get this post wrong, I hate how far political correctness is shoved up our arses, I have a (really black) friend who uses racial slur on himself.

just as I have a friend (but hes gay) of whom I tell is camp ALL the time.


I just find it amusing that in trying to be nice people can sound like complete twats about it.

especially the kids nan, and shes ginger, I mean REALLY ginger.



I’m like jesus..

with the whole rising from the metaphorical death part, not the being a fictional character part. (ooooooooo.)


its been MONTHS since I blogged, one of you, yes you, crappy bastards decided it would be nice to send me abusive messages, that echoed with my lack of enthusiasm for cunts meant I just put the laptop down for a bit.

i’ve given you enough time to calm the fuck down, i’m a horrible parent/person I get it.

but, I make a mean banana bread, so, fuck you.




seriously, opinions only matter when you’re not being an arse.

so email me that one day a year that happens.

I hope you’re over it.

ill see you bastards tomorrow, when we’ll all have a nice cup of tea and a catch up.


peace >_< (^)


diet day 6

I would actually eat your face right now.

your whole face.

im a person who’s diet used to consist of 20 units of alcohol per day and then went to whatever I baked in the morning/afternoon, probably averaging 2000 calories a day (after giving up smoking/drinking) so to say im not used to limiting my intake is an understatement.

my morning cake for breakfast, is now a shake.

my lunchtime greasy pizza is now a shake

and my lamb and veg dinner, is now soup and possibly a bread roll depending on the calorie intake.

my body HATES me.

I found myself looking up the calorie content of ALL chocolate bars yesterday, because I like to be fucking depressed!

its not like im typically “fat” I weighed 137lbs at the beginning of this, six days later im down to 134 lbs.

ideally I want to get down to 115.

I used to stray around 100.

you know what I hate… lbs….im British. I like stone.

134 lbs, sounds like im a fucking ogre.

oh well, ill carry on because one day I WILL get into all the clothes I buy without looking like im about to give birth, or did so yesterday.

fuck you mummy tummy.

fuuuuuccccckkkkkk yyyoooooouuuuu!


or you know.

2 slim fast shakes,

and a bowel of soup.


im writing this while tucking into the most disgustingly grey mulchy looking bowl of dog slo I have ever seen. lease observe for yourself:


fecking horrid right?

this is day three of the shakes and soup diet, no snacks.

if your dieting, why the toss are you still eating the “allowed” 3 snacks a day.

they are allowed, NOT needed, don’t be a dick and eat 3 200 calorie snacks and then wonder why you’re arse is still fat.

just because your drinking the shakes like their some magical fucking cure for your laziness.

ill tell you why they “allow” you to have 3 snacks.

so it takes longer for you to loose weight and you’ll SPEND MORE money on their products!

anyway, im not enjoying my diet as you might have guessed, but until these last few dress sizes take the hint ill stock up on vomit in a can.

that’s no alcohol

no cigarettes

no sugar

no gluten

and now no food

im thinking of cutting out oxygen next, least I wont have to worry about my calorie intake.

daddy issues led respite.

Ahh those night where your darling mother looks after the kids so you can cop off for a couple of hours for dinner. aren’t they just the best!, we all need a little respite 🙂

except my evening didn’t exactly go like that.

yesterday night I was beckoned to dine with my “father”

I use the term loosely, yes I have Daddy issues, trust me they are justified.

this is him:


or its someone from harry potter, I get mistaken from time to time.

I have father issues, not because hes an alcoholic, stinking, cringe worthy, creepy old man

because hes been sober like 20,0000000 minutes or something now, I forget, ask a sibling who gives a fuck.

but because regardless of his sobriety, hes a prick.


he is living proof that its not drink that makes you a wanker, it just makes you a bit more tolerable because your unconscious.

yes I can say these things because ive lived it, ive avoided it, ive insulted it and now im having to have dinner with it (shakes fist)

the weeble almost crashed his car 3 times, yet the fucking government still give him a licence, maybe they are hoping his inability to think straight may end their handing out of benefits in an unfortunate accident? hint hint nudge nudge.

how is your new car by the way father? about 16 years of child support good? my mother would disagree.

the night was only made tolerable by 3 things,

1. my beautiful little sister (and the mocking there of, only she could go out once to dinner and have her ex walk in, and have to suffer bigdaddy obviously jeering and pointing, poor lass)

2. the sheer laughable ignorance of professor plop  “they used to shoot gays you know! id shoot gays, I bet hes gay” im sure the gay community, as do all communities, feel the same about you 🙂




yep I ate it all, what of it, problem? that’s a lemonade and lime and pepsi in the background, because that’s how I roll.


but by far the best part of the evening happened at around 8:45.

we left.




Bed Blogging Is Cosy.

Im late night Blogging.
Because im having trouble sleeping!
BigDaddy is late night xboxing. ….because Monday is no different from other days.

I wonder what makes people stay up all night?
Surely its not a nice feeling being exhausted and grumpy the next day. And yet you night owls continue to do it. No wonder that by day 5 BigDaddy is scoring a 9.5 on the touchy scale!

Anyway i love my sleep. We share a bed and everything 😉
Boo. Lack of sleep. Boo!
Maybe because i am off my SSRI’s?
I have labrynthitis, how awesome is that name, and the medications clash apparently!

Its nice to have somethin new though.
I do love a good illness to spice up life.
Now as a teetoatler i feel constantly drunk all the time! I should bottle inner ear infections that’s a fucking dragons den moment right there!

Come to me sleep…
Take me in your warm embrace….
I promise not to kiss and tell…
Although i do snore