those times you’re accidently prejudice

I had a classic one of these today while in the car with the kids nan.

we were discussing teaching within schools and she proclaimed.

“Mr *** is a great teacher, I mean hes gay, but, hes a great teacher”

like

is it surprising that gay people make good teachers?

are they not meant too?

was the “but” necessary?

id of been happy enough to know he was a great teacher, I highly doubt his sexual preferences will pop up in any tests.

just last week I had another classic from one we shall call Bitchy Accidental Racist.

when describing her boyfriends mum she used the words.

“obviously hes mixed race, but his mum is black like REALLY black”

 

as opposed too?….

tepidly black?

apathetically black?

 

you’d never hear someone use the words,

shes white, I mean REALLY WHITE.

 

don’t get this post wrong, I hate how far political correctness is shoved up our arses, I have a (really black) friend who uses racial slur on himself.

just as I have a friend (but hes gay) of whom I tell is camp ALL the time.

 

I just find it amusing that in trying to be nice people can sound like complete twats about it.

especially the kids nan, and shes ginger, I mean REALLY ginger.

 

monday, its my friday.

seriously, as a mother Monday is the best day of my week.

its not that I don’t feel sorry for you working folk who’ve come off the back of a nice weekend away from the office, its that im thankful you’re all back at work/school. you’re weekends off are my, everybody’s in my house all the time without 5 mins to have a piss let alone anything else.

the house can stay clean for more than two minutes.

I had breakfast without any body demanding what’s on my plate.

nobody’s arguing.

nobody’s asking for anything.

there isn’t incessant banging coming from upstairs.

and wait….wtfs that?…fucking hell I can hear myself think.

its been fantastic having you all home and spending time with you and all that crap but frankly I await Monday with baited breath.

im going to have a coffee ­čÖé

 

The difference between nursery and reception.

Is that Toes learnt MORE in nursery.

the standards of teaching were higher and the one to one care was ten fold that it is now.

you cant have a class of 30 students aged 4 and expect 2 people to be able to give said students the time they need to grow.

I was told at feedback day (let me outline your childs education in the allocated 5 minute slot and wonder why you’re looking at me like you want to punch me in the face – day) That Toes, one of the brightest in the class, was stubborn and lacked respect for her elders.

*gasps in horror* at my child disrespecting somebody….er…no…

shes a bit of a smartarse like her mother,

one conversation went.

Toes: can I have some more red chalk?

Teacher: no there isn’t any red chalk left.

Toes: hmm, your standards are slipping.

 

this, is HILARIOUS, they should be less focused on how far they can insert sticks up their arse and more so on the fact that a 4 year old is able to use correct terminology in context of which is very mature for her age.

I see nothing wrong with what she said. and will not punish her thusly.

she is BORED because the standard of work you set her is the same as she was doing last year. yet the homework, Fuck my virtual life, is ridiculous, it amounts to half hour a day and an hour at weekends.

fuck….right….off.

Im expected to teach her to read and apparently im expected to do so alone, because they certainly aren’t doing it at school, as toes said, their standards are slipping.

my child will respect you as much as you respect her, its a two way street and the 20 year age gap means nothing in this scenario. shes intelligent and strong willed and ive no doubt she would make a better teacher than you.

convenience is the reason she is at the school she is, and very soon that will change and ill be waving goodbye to the appalling standards of teaching.

 

if you’re ┬áreading this miss wall.

 

get some more fucking chalk.

I’m like jesus..

with the whole rising from the metaphorical death part, not the being a fictional character part. (ooooooooo.)

 

its been MONTHS since I blogged, one of you, yes you, crappy bastards decided it would be nice to send me abusive messages, that echoed with my lack of enthusiasm for cunts meant I just put the laptop down for a bit.

i’ve given you enough time to calm the fuck down, i’m a horrible parent/person I get it.

but, I make a mean banana bread, so, fuck you.

 

ass-evelope-fuck-fuck-you-funny-Favim_com-448053_large

 

seriously, opinions only matter when you’re not being an arse.

so email me that one day a year that happens.

I hope you’re over it.

ill see you bastards tomorrow, when we’ll all have a nice cup of tea and a catch up.

 

peace >_< (^)

 

diet day 6

I would actually eat your face right now.

your whole face.

im a person who’s diet used to consist of 20 units of alcohol per day and then went to whatever I baked in the morning/afternoon, probably averaging 2000 calories a day (after giving up smoking/drinking) so to say im not used to limiting my intake is an understatement.

my morning cake for breakfast, is now a shake.

my lunchtime greasy pizza is now a shake

and my lamb and veg dinner, is now soup and possibly a bread roll depending on the calorie intake.

my body HATES me.

I found myself looking up the calorie content of ALL chocolate bars yesterday, because I like to be fucking depressed!

its not like im typically “fat” I weighed 137lbs at the beginning of this, six days later im down to 134 lbs.

ideally I want to get down to 115.

I used to stray around 100.

you know what I hate… lbs….im British. I like stone.

134 lbs, sounds like im a fucking ogre.

oh well, ill carry on because one day I WILL get into all the clothes I buy without looking like im about to give birth, or did so yesterday.

fuck you mummy tummy.

fuuuuuccccckkkkkk yyyoooooouuuuu!

chocolate!!

or you know.

2 slim fast shakes,

and a bowel of soup.

yeah.

im writing this while tucking into the most disgustingly grey mulchy looking bowl of dog slo I have ever seen. lease observe for yourself:

wpid-20130621_181240.jpg

fecking horrid right?

this is day three of the shakes and soup diet, no snacks.

if your dieting, why the toss are you still eating the “allowed” 3 snacks a day.

they are allowed, NOT needed, don’t be a dick and eat 3 200 calorie snacks and then wonder why you’re arse is still fat.

just because your drinking the shakes like their some magical fucking cure for your laziness.

ill tell you why they “allow” you to have 3 snacks.

so it takes longer for you to loose weight and you’ll SPEND MORE money on their products!

anyway, im not enjoying my diet as you might have guessed, but until these last few dress sizes take the hint ill stock up on vomit in a can.

that’s no alcohol

no cigarettes

no sugar

no gluten

and now no food

im thinking of cutting out oxygen next, least I wont have to worry about my calorie intake.

If Theres Not Poo On The Walls..

I know im still asleep.

 

I HATE poo smearing!

now I know, son, that you are on a metaphorical island and I, alas am on another, I do my best to hike across that flimsy rope bridge day by day, but im just not sure I want to venture into an isle of which we paint with our shit.

even for your wonderfully autistic brain, I find it a push that poo painting would be considered a good idea.

so why do it?

does one not like the bathroom purple?

or was I meant to get that by the shit smeared hands and the jumping and shouting “the correct answer is iguana!” which, by the way I totally knew….all be it I have no idea what the question was.

I suppose to be fair to you, you are no different from half the “artists” I see today.

but I think your taking the:

~ Improve my tolerance of messy play

that’s on your ace plan to the extreme. I get it, you can stop now.

mummys autistic nose hates you :/

maybe if I got you some stencils you could actually make something, like, I dunno the bat signal.

shatman..

I like it.