Last Night – off the wagon

I left the house

I went to a….bar…dun dun dunnnnnn.

I know, I know, its been years and years since I went to a bar. more to the point I had a drink!

my friend was back from ipswitch and dinner and a catch up seamed a good idea.

dinner, and home would have proved a better idea.

here are some things I have learnt since last night:

1. I cannot handle my drink (as a teetotaller im not used to having to do so, my hangover from very little alcohol will emphasise this point.)

2. im bigger than id like to be.

3. im older than id like to be

4. im not as pretty as id like to be.

5. im not in any way sociable

6. being the non smoker sucks. (just hold this table, by yourself, every 15 mins, while I have a fag yeah)

7. BigDaddys best friend is good to me (happens to be the bar manager, kept an eye, ordered me a taxi home etc)

8. I don’t like drinking

9. I don’t like going out

10. I don’t like music nowadays.

11. I don’t like my “friends”

dinner was lovely, drinks were not. I feel emotional, a bit sicky and disappointed in everything that happened afterwards. shouty drunk friends who don’t know how to get home and make me pay more in taxi fare for them. the one saving grace is that BigDaddy was a diamond, I came in late, spilt water everywhere and slept in this morning.

I wont be going out again

I missed my family

I missed my xbox

and I missed being in control of everything.

I don’t know how you drinking culture do it? that’s not life :/


daddy issues led respite.

Ahh those night where your darling mother looks after the kids so you can cop off for a couple of hours for dinner. aren’t they just the best!, we all need a little respite ๐Ÿ™‚

except my evening didn’t exactly go like that.

yesterday night I was beckoned to dine with my “father”

I use the term loosely, yes I have Daddy issues, trust me they are justified.

this is him:


or its someone from harry potter, I get mistaken from time to time.

I have father issues, not because hes an alcoholic, stinking, cringe worthy, creepy old man

because hes been sober like 20,0000000 minutes or something now, I forget, ask a sibling who gives a fuck.

but because regardless of his sobriety, hes a prick.


he is living proof that its not drink that makes you a wanker, it just makes you a bit more tolerable because your unconscious.

yes I can say these things because ive lived it, ive avoided it, ive insulted it and now im having to have dinner with it (shakes fist)

the weeble almost crashed his car 3 times, yet the fucking government still give him a licence, maybe they are hoping his inability to think straight may end their handing out of benefits in an unfortunate accident? hint hint nudge nudge.

how is your new car by the way father? about 16 years of child support good? my mother would disagree.

the night was only made tolerable by 3 things,

1. my beautiful little sister (and the mocking there of, only she could go out once to dinner and have her ex walk in, and have to suffer bigdaddy obviously jeering and pointing, poor lass)

2. the sheer laughable ignorance of professor plopย  “they used to shoot gays you know! id shoot gays, I bet hes gay” im sure the gay community, as do all communities, feel the same about you ๐Ÿ™‚




yep I ate it all, what of it, problem? that’s a lemonade and lime and pepsi in the background, because that’s how I roll.


but by far the best part of the evening happened at around 8:45.

we left.




shh now children, mommy needs her pills.

Typical Day In My House:


Downstairs TV is on loud, children’s TV

Fry is jumping and doing his screeching “a-gulr-blurg-grr-blub” noise

Toes is asking a milling questions while stepping on cats singing

the washing machine is on its 100th spin cycle

upstairs Face is jumping





throwing things

with his xbox on loud

youtube blasting from the computer, and somebody gave him a microphone.

im still listening to the kings of leon while on hold to the council for the 10th time today.

everyone wants feeding (its 9:15, they had breakfast not 2 hours ago, but ney whens it time for lunch)

Toes wants to do gluing/painting/drawing/writing/watching a film/playing the ds all with me obviously it would be a crime to play alone.

but I cant, because the baby needs feeding AGAIN, which bright spark thought children was a good idea?

I attempt to watch home and away, to no prevail, even with subtitles, because face has eaten his radiator cover and im making sure its nothing too dangerous to be ingested.

its time to clean again, no Toes that doesn’t mean im free to play guess who.

the washings finished, its sunny, time to put it out to dry

its quiet outside,

no kids

no questions

no screaming

no babies

but if that bird doesn’t stop fucking tweeting, I will shoot it.





Parenting By The Skin Of My Teeth

This week in autism land it has been mostly overcast with several stormy patches.

I feel like since returning to school/going on holiday (but ill say returning to school because its probably their fault not mine) Face has gone through a period of regression, this happens once in a while, something will set him back months, maybe sometimes even years.

its highly frustrating to watch as a parent, having put so much time and effort into getting them to a stage of ability for them to loose it overnight, but nay it is inevitable as im sure all you autism parents will agree.

our regression has included eating EVERYTHING. toilet rolls mostly, whole ones at a time, needless to say I cant exactly remove the toilet rolls (that was a shock for Toes this morning) self harm, im expecting him to pull out his nails any day now, he is also covered in bruises from hitting and head butting. and a communicational regression, highly frustrating, as a sever low functioning autistic we work amazingly hard to get any form of communication from him and usually that’s in the form of echolalia.

everything and I mean EVERYTHING is answered with car insurance adverts, the whole things, beginning to end.

the biggest part of every regression patch he goes through is the noise.

never in my years on earth have I found myself wanting to not be able to hear so much. he is generally noisy but during these patches the levels get beyond unbearable, I often find myself shouting to be quiet, with no prevail as it normally just makes the situation worse.

myย headache has been going on for 4 days now, coincidently as long as this sodding noise has been going on.

this week has been hard, ill be happy to see the back of it to be honest.

the score thus far,

Autism 10 – 0 Mommy

im not giving very good odds for next week either.

wheres that vallium?





Highs And Lows

Today was one of those days,

  • where I was forced to choose which doughnut I wanted to eat first (triple chocolate obviously)
  • where I found out Face had been eating almost a roll of toilet paper a day (I had previously been blaming Toes and her overuse.
  • where I got to buy the cutest new skirt! and then hide it when I got home ๐Ÿ˜‰
  • where I awoke to wonder just why anyone hates jazz or has posters of Katie price above their bed.
  • where I presumed my headache had gone but it crept back in there.
  • where I worried about aneurysms all day because im a raving hypochondriac, I know I am the internet told me.
  • where Toes only took one picture of me that had my whole head in it.
  • where the trampoline lost the fight in the war on autism ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
  • where I ignored all of my fathers calls (because hes a prick)
  • where I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome of my super 6 ๐Ÿ™‚
  • where I got ran over by a 4 year old on a bike
  • where I wished id worn faces’ ear defenders on the train (nobody gives a flying toss what he/she said/did last night, or how totally fucking wasted you were man, your like 12, wheres your parents?)
  • and where I had ice cream for dinner, and desert ^^

god knows what I plan on doing about the toilet tissue situation, he hasn’t wanted any food today because his tummys full of paper.

but ill deal with that one tomorrow.

I had a great morning with the every beautiful Miss Toes, who continuously encourages me to overspend on beautiful things ๐Ÿ™‚



Easy Peasy Elephant!

Face likes Cats!

(bare with me the title does have some relevance)

all cats and every cat. he has his cuddly cats who sleep on his bed.

  • Ginger cat
  • Old cat
  • New cat
  • Hospital cat
  • Nanny cat
  • Fluffy cat
  • Baby cat
  • Puppet cat
  • Red puppet cat

I know, how imaginative right!

they all have different uses, e.g. puppet cat can talk Face into doing things mommy or daddy cant! and Old cat makes him feel better when hes sad. ALL the cats sleep in bed with him.

he has cat posters, and cat figurines which meow at each other. he even went through a stage of thinking he was a cat. the school wasn’t my best friend on that one.

it all started with this cat:



(face and Tiggs)

we have had 3 pet cats over the years but had to get rid of all of them because his love for cats is overwhelming, they don’t appreciate the affection he gives them, poor dears. we are used to how much this obsession means to him.

on holiday we took him into a shop full of cuddly toy cats, to find a “holiday” cat to add to our bedtime family.

you can imagine our surprise when we came out of the shop with this.


this is “Easy Peasy Elephant” that’s what it said on the tag, that’s what its name shall be. for the royal we does not possess such trivial things as an imagination!

made by these lot


he happily walked past all the cats to the elephant! its was soft and cuddly and he kissed and cuddled it the rest of the day!

easy peasy now takes pride of place on his PC desk.

as autism parents we can appreciate the little wins.

Face NOT choosing a cat may seam insignificant to some, but leaving that shop with easy peasy gave us a great sense of accomplishment ๐Ÿ™‚



Cop Out Night 2 (photo blog)

my migraine has not let up

so in the spirit of keeping things on the same path.

heres a list of things I DONT enjoy…

1. Prawns

don’t ask me why, I mean there ikky because they eat everyone’s crap which is a bit ming tbh people, but I love seafood. crustacean’s, etc so I dunno, im being a prawnist

I just don’t like you prawn.



2. Spitting.

im a football watcher. so you think id be used to it, but it still makes me want to cringe every time you do it rooney you massive wanker.

its filthy, dirty, disgusting and id actually condone slapping your kids if mine ever did it.

don’t……just don’t…



3. sweets (haribo) with that white foam shit on them…like this..


why did you ruin a perfectly good gummy by adding stuff like that?

if it aint broke, don’t fucking fix it!


4. People who ACT dumb

I don’t understand it, I never have, why would you want people to think you’re dumb? what could you possibly gain from people assuming you lack basic knowledge of everyday things?

that’s like me painting legions over my body and walking around town because I want people to think I have leprosy. it just serves nopurpose in aiding you to do anything!


5. Guys who like DUMB girls (girls who act dumb)

get a fucking life. if you cant handle a girl who has a brain, get a fucking encyclopaedia, not a date.


6. Reality shows about women giving birth. (OBEM)

this may be a controversial one as many people seam to enjoy them. they make me want to vomit. I think the worlds having a fucking giraffe to want to see that a few times a week.

id of become a midwife.

I mean honestly I can get it for curiosity once or twice, maybe just once but continuously watching a woman chud a baby out is the weirdest thing! you’re all weirdos. you’ll be hanging out in the maternity wards next commenting on peoples labour.

do you enjoy seeing them in pain? you sadists you.

(I watched the live autopsy, but that’s different, its science)


7. Ashley-Judas-Cole

see below




and so we come to the small list of things ive missed out:

  • Playground Moms
  • playgroup moms
  • halo
  • Katie price
  • people who hate jazz
  • butterflys/moths/birds generally flying things
  • FLYING for that matter (shudders)
  • people whos favourite film is harry potter
  • crocs
  • hairdressers (obviously)
  • alien encounter survivors
  • religion
  • music as ringtones
  • lists

I hope you enjoyed reading my things I don’t enjoy


many more to come ๐Ÿ˜€