Phone Elves.

im a girl of little friends.
I made a decision to stop drinking and going out and in the process I lost the majority of my friends.

shortly afterwards I found the internet, now im one of those people who blogs and tweets rather than partys and socialises.

you may call me boring (many do) but there are advantages to opening my life to phone elves.

1. you guys don’t make an almighty mess in my house and then fuck off leaving me to clean it all up. just because my house is clean doesn’t mean I enjoy doing it.

2. when you start to bore me I can close an app. this does not work with real people and closing doors. they don’t take to it too kindly.

3. I don’t have to get dressed in order to have a civil conversation.

4. I can recite a monologue while gorging on a double decker, and you’re none the wiser.

5. as your all the other end of a PC I like to imagine you all have alter egos, Irish cross dressers called mindy on a Tuesday? you know who you are.

6. I can be who I am. that’s odd isn’t it, most people pretend on the internet, I pretend in real life, pretend to be interested in what your saying, pretend to be normal.

7. theres always someone there for you at 4am, because that’s when your English friends are tucked up in bed, but your USA friends are out to play ;~)

8. I socialise all day every day with my “phone friends” and the OH cant complain because in not actually out.

9. im over opinionated, bitchy and outspoken, its nice to know someone always wants to know what I have to say, ive been saying that for years now.

I wouldn’t trade you virtu-buddies in for anyone.

ya’ll right you boring feckers.


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